


don't look at me!

by BobaAddict



Category: Twisted-Wonderland (Video Game)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Explicit Language, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:08:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29324457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BobaAddict/pseuds/BobaAddict
Summary: “It’s all over the fucking bedsheets! Fucking clean it up!”“No! I have a limit!”Was Jack dreaming? He pinched himself. Ow. Nope, this was real. His Dorm Head’s five-year-old nephew had shat on his uncle’s bed, and Ruggie was refusing to help take care of the matter. Not that he could blame him.(Based on Vil's pre-Overblot scene.)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	don't look at me!

**Author's Note:**

> this idea manifested in my head while i was driving home from work so i wrote this in 30 minutes

One day, Jack was chilling in the outdoor lounge of the Savanaclaw dorm, when his sharp hearing picked up on a conversation happening in one of the second-story rooms nearby.

“Oi, Ruggie, the hell is this?”

“Hm? Wha?”

Ah, it was none other than Leona’s very own room. With the balcony window open, it was easy for Jack to pick up on their exchange.

“Why is _that_ on my bed.”

“Why is what on your bed?”

“Don’t fucking play dumb with me! I’m talking about the shit on my bed!”

_What shit?_ Jack couldn’t help but wonder. _Food? Toys? Money?_

“I dunno, maybe you had an accident during one of your naps?”

“I will _eat you_.”

“I’m joking, geez! Your nephew just couldn’t take the lunch he had today, and I couldn’t get him to the toilet in time.”

Holy shit. They were talking about actual, literal _shit_. Just as Jack had this horrifying realization, a gleeful Cheka ran past him without a care in the world.

“So you had him do it on my bed.”

“What? No. I left him alone for five minutes, and it was like that when I came back.”

Jack stared at Cheka as the child continued to frolic in the lounge. This kid was a menace.

“And you just… left it like this.”

“You didn’t pay me to babysit him, and you sure as hell didn’t pay me to clean up his messes.”

“It’s all over the fucking bedsheets! Fucking clean it up!”

“No! I have a limit!”

Was Jack dreaming? He pinched himself. Ow. Nope, this was real. His Dorm Head’s five-year-old nephew had shat on his uncle’s bed, and Ruggie was refusing to help take care of the matter. Not that he could blame him.

“You’re useless!”

“I don’t wanna hear that when I kept an eye on him more than you did! Can’t you just use your Unique Magic to turn everything into sand and make it less gross?”

“Ugh, fuck no. I don’t want sand in my bed either. Whatever, I got this.”

There was silence for a few moments, and Jack hoped that whatever Leona did would be the end of it. But then…

A scream. A shrill scream that sounded suspiciously like Vil’s.

It came from a distance away, but it was so loud, Jack wouldn’t have had any trouble hearing it even if he weren’t a beastman.

“Holy fuck, Vil-san!” he heard Epel yell, all attempts at grace and refinery gone. “Yer covered in shit!”

“Don’t look at me! _Don’t look at me_!”

“Non non, Roi du Poison! You are the most beautiful living being, even in this condition! The brown really highlights the shimmer of your golden locks!”

It didn’t take long for Jack to put two and two together: Leona had used magic to get the excrement off of his bed and toss it out the window. Unfortunately for Vil, he, Rook, and Epel had been passing by at that very second, and the disgusting stool had landed right on his head.

Vil was understandably freaking out and feeling humiliated. 

Epel was regressing back to that crass persona of his.

And Rook? Rook was just being fucking weird. Why did he have to be this fucking weird?

“Rook-san, what are ya talkin’ about?! He’s covered in shit! He _stinks_!”

“It’s important to find beauty in the unlikeliest of places, Epel-kun! Vil is a star among stars, unconditionally gorgeous and bright despite what life throws at him!”

“‘Throws’...?! That’s right, who threw this?! I’ll curse you! _I’ll curse you_!”

Come to think of it, Leona and Ruggie were being oddly quiet, considering there was no way that they weren’t listening to all of this. Jack wasn’t surprised. Ruggie surely didn’t want to get involved any more than he already was, and Leona… well, it would be shocking if he gave a damn.

Jack had no desire to see Vil poison his Dorm Head possibly to the brink of death, but as his childhood friend, perhaps he owed it to him to explain what had happened. Later. He refused to leave the lounge now, knowing that he would inhale some unwelcome odors if he dared to get closer.

In fact, he was beginning to smell something just from sitting here. Shit (heh), Cheka had eaten some onions for lunch, hadn’t he? The worst. Sometimes, being a wolf with a sensitive nose was a curse more than anything else.

As he continued to watch the little lion cub run about the lounge, he muttered to himself, “You’re gonna grow up to terrorize us all, aren’t you…?”

The oblivious Cheka only giggled, almost like he had heard him.

**Author's Note:**

> it's important to me to be taken seriously as a writer. please read my other fics
> 
> if you think my shitty (heh) sense of humor isn't so shitty, you can reach out to me in the places below!  
> twitter: [bobaaddiict](http://twitter.com/bobaaddiict/)  
> tumblr: [bobaaddict](http://bobaaddict.tumblr.com/)


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